Examine Why You Give
For most of my life I’ve been a giver. Whether it was time, information or money, I was your go-to-girl. If you needed help, I was there. If you had a question, I had the answer. If you needed money, I loaned, donated and gave it way – even if I couldn’t afford it. I had so many charities calling my phone that at one point they felt more like bill collectors. I gave to the point of exhaustion then I had nothing left to give.
So what do you do when you’ve given all you can. Some people say, “give more.” I say, examine why you’re giving in the first place. Are you giving because you want to? Or because you feel like you have to? And let me tell you, there’s a difference.
In the past, I gave more out of obligation than I care to admit. I was a people pleaser, so I did what I could to please the people. I thought if I kept them happy, I’d be happy. Boy was I wrong! Making other people happy only made me unhappy. Truth be told, it made me miserable and resentful. Because when you give all of yourself away, you have nothing left for you.
Back to Science
If we go back to science, when two organisms can’t survive without each other, they enter a symbiotic relationship. There are several types of symbiotic relationships, but we’re going to focus on three: commensalism, parasitism and mutualism.
Choose Mutually Beneficial Relationships
Choosing to be in mutually beneficial relationships changed my life. I no longer feel the need to fix other people’s problems, because I know they can fix their own. I don’t feel obligated to jump in and help, unless I want to. It’s made giving enjoyable and fun again.
At the end of the day, we all benefit from being givers and takers.
Latarsha Horne is a Certified Professional Coach with a strong background in learning and development. Her coaching style is open-minded, straight-forward, instinctive, creative and caring. If you want to be challenged and grow, she's the coach for you.